Chat: VD

In response to Jill's tweet: "@Kevin_Wolf accidentally re-enacted all my previous VD experiences by sleeping on the couch."

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me: I do not have a venereal disease.

Jill: You do.

hahahaha

me: Then I'd like to know how I acquired it. Maybe I got roofied.

Jill: Probably by @skrike

me: That sonofabitch.

Jill: Cute doesn't alway mean clean. You should keep that in mind next time.

Signs of Love

Yesterday, Kevin and I were in a chocolate shop totally amazed at the fact that they were busy. We've been in there before and never had to wait in line.

Both of us were dumbstruck at why it was so busy. After talking softly to ourselves about it for over two minutes. We finally realized Valentine's Day is approaching. Yep. We're romantic.

For The Love of Whales

Me: I ordered new anti-wrinkle cream.

Kevin: You know that's just whale sperm, right?

Me: Yeah. I know.

Kevin: All you have to do is find a whale and jack him off on your face.

Me: I know but last time I invited a bunch of whales over for a bukkake and it didn't do anything.

Mufasa's an Idiot

Kevin: Your breakfast is done, sweetie.

Me: (Clearly, he hasn't read what I just posted about him on Twitter or he wouldn't be calling me sweetie.)

****walk in kitchen****

Me: Thanks. I'm guessing you haven't checked your Twitter?

Kevin: Oh god, what did you say about me?

Me: Nothing.

Kevin: I'm in here making you breakfast and you're talking shit about me on Twitter?

Me: It's the circle of life.

Kevin: Oh, really?

Me: Yeah. Mufasa had it wrong.

Kevin: Apparently, so was Elton John.

The Cashew Gallery

Kevin: Bork bork bork!

Jill: No one needs comments from the cashew gallery.

Kevin: Not the peanut gallery, but the cashew gallery? Is that right next to the peanut gallery?

Jill: Yep. You are soft and bendy.

Kevin: HAHA! Nice. Nice set-up, dear.

Jill:That was fucking funny.

Conversations with Jillzey: "Gums"

As I am biting Jillz on the leg with my teeth over my lips.

Jill: What are you doing?

Me: Well, if you're ever gummed all over your knee by an old man with no teeth, no you know what that will feel like.

Jill: Babe, that's already happened.

Asshole in the House Tonight!

Here's tonight's string of asshole moves:

1. Kevin mentions how good hot chocolate would be but doesn't want to go get any at the store. Leaving me craving hot chocolate. (No, I can't go get it myself. That isn't how it works here)

2. Saying that he will settle for tea but not offering to make me any.

3. When I say that I'm going to make my own tea, since he didn't offer. He uses MY Steelers mug for his tea. Even though his mug is clean and sitting in the damn cupboard.

Now I don't have hot chocolate, I don't have any tea and I don't even have my goddamn Steelers mug to drink out of while I watch the goddamn Steelers game.